Tuesday 5th February 2013

I really need to stop having 'Lorraine' on in the background as I am sorting the kids out in the morning. Seriously, I really, really need to stop as there is often some well-paid pundit who makes my blood boil and foam at the mouth. Actually, the foaming is only because I am shouting at the TV whilst running around with some toast or porridge in my mouth as I try to clear up behind the children so we can try to get to some mother's group or other on time.

I absolutely love the eponymous TV presenter; she's kind, fair and always empathetic. Nevertheless, whoever vets the people who come on to commentate needs a good talking to. Taxi for the researchers and producers methinks.

Apparently, today, Nick Clegg is going to continue pushing through his plans with regards to maternity and paternity leave. As this is a mouthful I will now refer to it simply as 'matpat'. Apparently, from 2015, parents will be able to divide the traditional year’s maternity leave between them as they wish — with the one exception that mothers must take the first two weeks off after birth (Whatever you think about Mr Clegg, he is very generous).

Now, this is something I feel completely indifferent about because a) I don't understand how 'matpat' leave will work b) I'm too tired to try and even attempt to understand how 'matpat' leave will work and c) Rob earns more money than me so I reckon that if we were to take the 'matpat' option, we would be eating dust buttons and living in our shed whilst renting out our house until it was his turn to go back to work. I guess 'matpat' is like a game of tag but not as fun.

No, the reason my blood pressure went through the roof was not because I felt incensed about not fully understanding what 'matpat' meant, it went sky high because of the quip made by the male news commentator.

The young Fleet Street-esque chap was chuckling after Lorraine summarised the plans and he said under his breath, "I'd love it, all that time off work".

Blink and you would have missed it.

Thank God the female commentator quickly retaliated with a course laugh and a wry smile, "Yes, you just try and bring up 3 children at home."

There was lots of laughter and nervous giggling surfacing over the brief, terse exchange. This giggling also drove me mad because at that time James was throwing porridge everywhere whilst Bethan was running around like a loon. I certainly wasn't in the mood for joining in with the false frivolity.

It was definitely a case of foot-in-mouth as I imagined my peers around the nation throwing teethers and sterilising brushes at their TVs. I really hope this bloke didn't have any children or an other half who heard the comment. If he does, well, eating dust buttons will be the least of his problems when he gets home tonight. .

In other news, this time quoted from the BBC, "Police stopped a dance music event temporarily in Aberystwyth when they were told a baby was in the audience...(the Police said)"We understand the woman had left when the music stopped." Oh, that's alright then. They are not playing The Prodigy anymore so I'd better get back home before the CBeebies Bedtime Hour ends.

This story is wrong on so many levels. As a Manc who partied hard at the greatest clubs back in the day, I would be well miffed if someone pulled the plug whilst I was dancing like Bez from 'The Happy Mondays' to Faithless. I would definitely want a refund on my luminous plastic bangles and Mr Freeze Ice Pop.