June 2013: Week 4

The Dentist! Far worse than having a bloody haircut.

I have come to this decision because at the beginning of Week 4 I had my tooth extracted; the tooth that has cost me a few hundred pounds over the past couple of years has literally uprooted and left my jaw.

Mr Chicken, our wonderfully friendly neighbour who is 85, offered to take me in his wee Ford Ka. I am probably going to sound like the most ungrateful person in the world but I am just going to say it. I honestly don't know what was more scary: the prospect of having my tooth out or being a passenger in Mr Chicken's car. 

We travelled the whole way across Ipswich in 3rd gear. There were times I tried to get hold of the gear stick, willing it to go into 4th without the aid of the clutch but to no avail. When he dropped me off I was actually looking forward to the sedation to help calm me down.

Unfortunately, I have no idea what happened next because I was knocked out and when I came too, I just remembered the Dentist saying, "there is still lots of yellow puss". 

Then I remember Rob picking me up; then I remember trying to go to church the next day but falling asleep with my swollen jaw during the Act of Contrition; finally, I remember being at work on the Monday but have no recollection of how I got there.

Thank goodness I was allowed to come home. I dread to think what might have happened if I had stood up in front if a class of teenagers and keeled over as I read out their homophone spellings. 

I literally lost a week of my life because I felt so crap. It's a shame because I missed Rob's birthday. I'd even bought him a chocolate cake with a 3 and a 7 on it because he was telling everyone, including himself that he was 38. Actually, that's the best present you can get anyone. Giving someone a year of their life back takes some beating ('maybe an iMac?': Rob).

Because of the gaping hole in my mouth I couldn't even eat the damn thing until a week later and by then it was pretty stale and decided to reside in the place where the missing tooth once was.

Oh well, bring on July - the month in which I was born...

Below: The Gruffalo Family planner makes the understatement of the year so far